The Most Beautiful Girl on TV

Incomparable because each and every time I look at this one, she's perfect. The word is mesmerizing, which I will use until they come up with another one, besides "stunning". The most mesmerizing girl on TV and after 50 years she replaced (IT WAS CLOSE!) the former Mos Beautiful, a position she held until I turned into my sixties. I had a radio career, keep whatever you are drinking while on the air at least six feet from the console. The guy that spilled his tee and honey drink on there opened a world of history when the console roof was lifted to fix it.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Console Catastrophe
• 2:11 The Spill That Killed The Broadcast
• 5:35 Snowbirds Invade A Small Town
• 9:00 Do Visitors Help Or Hurt Locals
• 12:35 Feeling Used And 70s Soul
• 16:20 Desert Fears: Snakes And Scorpions

Transcript

Regent Intro: 0:12

Welcome back to the Blade Video Podcast. It's the RGB cast. Whatever that means. I'm just glad to be back. So let's dive right in. Here's Bob the Blade. And remember, you can find all Blade content on the website at BobTheblade.com.

Blade: 0:31

One of the uh first things you ever learn before you do a show that you're getting paid for. Some people believe they uh they can't talk or can't perform with a dry throat. So they have to drink the whole time they're on the air. Which I did too, but that wasn't because I had a dry throat. But one of the things you learn is you keep that drink as far away from possible from the console as possible. Because if that drink falls on the console, you are screwed, man. Silva and I did that one, '93, '94, something like that. It was a morning show. He was sick. And he had some drink with honey in it. And he was drinking that, you know, and he, you know, that's his dedication. And uh, and he spilled it, I mean, like it fell on the console with all the switches, you know, you have to play the songs with, and you play all the commercials and all the commercials on it, and you put on all the commercials on it, and all the commercials, and the commercials here, and the commercials, and some more commercials, and the the ones where you play the commercials, those and the song, and then just some commercials and all the commercials. And believe me, that thing went and went off the air. Trust me, it went off the air for sure. Don Smith, head engineer, we got a problem. You know, we've got we've spilled liquid in our console and we're off the air. So he comes walking in. He never ran. He comes walking in, opens up the console, and I laughed my ass off for probably 20 minutes. You know, because I looked inside of that console, what was underneath the makings of our on-air board, as we called it. You know, broken down pipes everywhere, rolling papers, roach clips, roaches, blocks of cocaine, dust of cocaine filling the first floor of that console. And it was at one point I found a package of a Twinkie in there. Now, how the hell that got in there, I have no idea. But I looked at that thing and I said, Damn, Don. His engineer down Don. I said, How old is this console? How long has this console been here? And he said, about a year, year and a half. So we so that is a good lesson for all of you beginning podcasters out there who think you can make some money doing it. Now, meanwhile, back here in town, take a look at this. This is what I see every day now. You know, on the what is it, the 187 highway, you know, and here they come. You know, it's RV after RV after RV. It's like they all come at the same time, and I'm talking about the snowbirds. They all come the same weekend. You know, this must be the big snowburger weekend, you know. And I always think of Canadians, but it's not just Canadians, you know. Canadians are great because they don't come down here and tell you they're from Canada and they're a snowbird. You don't, they don't have to because you look at them, they dress nicer than everyone else. You know they're snowbirds from Canada. And I always say to myself, why don't you just keep on going down this road? It takes you right to Puerto Vallarta in Mexico. You know, if you're gonna switch countries, just go down to Mexico. There's nothing to do here. There's nothing to do in this town. We don't even have a bowling alley. The only thing people can do here, the snowbirds can do here, is camp out in their RVs and watch the hockey game and steal our tea times and steal our craft beers, right? You know, and up our housing rates, you know, and congest traffic. That's all you can do. Yeah, I feel so used when they come down here. And the ones from Michigan, they're the worst. They always have to tell you, well, we're from Michigan. It's like, well, I don't care. Yeah, never did care. We're from Wisconsin. Great, lovely. Oh, we're from Minnesota, you know, we're from, well, that's I nobody cares where you're from. Here's a lesson for everyone: nobody cares where you're from, unless you have some funny accent and you're in the United States of America. Somebody may have some little curiosity about it, you know. Yeah. But at any rate, go on down to Mexico. I had this discussion with the mayor, and he is a nice person, and I'm getting to know people in this town, you know, kind of a small town. I had a discussion with the mayor, and there's a term for it, but the result is negative. Okay. Uh, you think, and general line of thinking in everyone in town is when the snowbirds come down here, they plow money into the town, and it, you know, somehow enhances the value of the town. You know, how come the town looks the same every single year? Doesn't look any different. There's no more food in the grocery store. We still don't have a bowling alley. The one theater we have is 20 miles basically out of town. You know, what good has it done us? What it's done is improved the income of the storage huts and the storage yards here in this town, is what it's done. You know, or increased the income of the people who rent out spaces for RVs and the RV leisure lots. You know, that's what it's done. You know, I had this talk with the mayor's nice person, right? And he he was telling me it was a negative. It's like when they come down here and spend their six months down here, it doesn't end up making us money. We end up losing money out of it. And he had this figure and that figure and that figure, and I don't even remember what they are, you know, and and I mean six months, you know, because they, you know, they'll lose their insurance if they stay out of the country for more than six months, so they take advantage of every single bit of that, you know. And they come down here and they're all over the place, and you just get so mad because it ruins your really quiet, nice little life in this nice little boring town. Does. 102 degrees, you know, in November. You know, they're just using us, and who likes to be used? I was getting out of the shower today, and I was like, who likes to be used? Nobody likes to be used, except for Bill Withers, because he wrote this song called Use Me way back in the 70s, and I was thinking about that, you know. And it's about a girl, you know, use me all you want. Use me up.

Bill Withers (singing): 7:25

Oh, you just keep on using me.

Blade: 7:36

And so that immediately led me to Deborah Norville, who you see on TV, who is the most astoundingly beautiful person I have probably ever seen in my entire life. She's on TV, Deborah Norville. I'm like, you I just don't even you look at her and you go, she's, I don't even know what to say. You know, and I was, you know, like a baby, like 19, 20, 30, you know, young adult, it was Demi Moore, who I just would look at her and go, holy cow, she there's she is so set apart from everybody else that you see on television. You know, and I don't care now. She's probably my age now. She is my age, in fact. And she's had, you know, $100,000, $200,000, $500,000 worth of surgery, and you still look at her and go, wow. She is, but she's a number two down to Deborah Norville, so she can use me. And I won't feel too bad about it.

Bill Withers (singing): 8:25

Until you use me up.

Blade: 8:28

That song is great. I want to use me up.

Bill Withers (singing): 8:32

Until you use me up.

Blade: 8:38

Three things Arizonans don't like and are afraid of. Number one, rattlers. Those rattlesnakes. They're not all poisonous. A lot of them are, many of them are. Maybe I what maybe half of them are. Venomous, poisonous snakes, especially the diamondbacks. Look, man, don't step on a sleeping snake. You're gonna get bit, and they don't like it, and they'll bite your ass, and it's gonna hurt. I don't care if you have shoes on. But it's probably a good idea to wear shoes. Always wear shoes in Arizona. Look, here's a big danger. If you leave your boots out, like on your porch, or a pair of shoes out on your porch or something like that, don't do that. Because scorpions crawl into your shoes. One day you can put your shoes on and you whoops. Because maybe it's cooler and darker in there or something. I don't know what a scorpion thinks. You know? But I'm telling you, people are afraid of those rattlesnakes and those diamondbacks, especially. I mean, when you get stung by those venomous guys, I mean, you're down for three days, four days. And the worst part about it is they do nerve damage, right? It's not like it stinks for three or four days and hurts. I mean, nerve damage. When you start talking about nerve damage, like oof. People are afraid of snakes, and and so they continue to go hiking. Hikers. Snakes. I've run across them four times, you know, like in my backyard, underneath my lawnmower, on the crosswalk, you know, and believe me, every time I turn around a corner, I'm peeking. Because they're beautiful and I love them. You know, and what is it? 30% if that are poisonous and venomous and dangerous, and the rest aren't. Nothing to worry about, really. They want to, they don't like you as much as we don't like them. So, at that point. Now, uh, number two, uh scorpions. There's not a person around here that won't tell you, Scorpions, give me the willies. I had a pool guy come out one day to test my chemicals, you know, and fix my pump, and he says, Scorpions, give me the willies. And there's one guy kind of crawling across the you know, pump on top of it. And they're slow, you know, he's not bothering anyone, and we just look at it, and he disappears eventually. You know. Scorpions, I mean, that's it. And the worst one's the bark scorpion. They're brown and they're they're pretty big, you know. And I ran across this video. I mean, those guys when when a when a when a bark scorpion bites you, I mean, it's gonna hurt you for a week. You're gonna hurt and sting and have a welt on your leg or foot, wherever it was, for a week. You know, but that's it. It just hurts. They don't do any nerve damage or anything like that, it just goes away. But I found this video, check us out, of this guy who who who picks him up. He picks him up by their tail, doesn't hurt him. The poor scorp he's got his, and I love the scorpions because I love Rollshink and Klaus Mein and the Scorpions. Enjoy listening to W out of D U 106. Love the Scorpions. Are they an arachnid? I'm gonna call him an arachnid because I know no better. But look at that scorp, man. That guy's got himself a nice size beetle. The guy's ruining it. He's picking him up, he picks him up by the stinger. And you can't sting someone if you pick him up by the stinger. Right? Picks him up, puts him back down, the poor guy loses his beetle. Leave the guy alone, man. He didn't hurt you. He wasn't gonna hurt you. Leave him alone. Scorpions. Yeah, number one, grabblers, number two, scorpions, and the third thing that Arizonians fear the most is when your HVAC breaks down. Who that happened to me seven, eight years ago. I was in a rental at the time. And it was in the afternoon in August, and my HVAC went out and called a guy, and he made it over in a couple minutes, says, No, no, no, we gotta get you a new one. How long is that gonna take? Three days. Whoa. I needed two of them upstairs, downstairs. You know, and I, you know, when he I it was comfortable 78 degrees, you know, when it went out, when it stopped working, and I knew it broke. I knew it. And within an hour, it was 98 degrees in that house. 98 degrees. And I'm calling friends, you know, I'm staying on couches, calling hotels for a day or two, you know, saying, listen, can I come over to your house to hang out for a while? You want to play some cards? You know, do something. You know, I can't stay here. And the biggest secret I found out is take a cold shower and get out and don't dry yourself and stay naked. That's the best thing you can do when you got no HVAC. But that's the third thing. When your HVAC goes, that is big trouble. It's a good thing when you got upstairs, downstairs, when you got two HVACs, hopefully only one goes out. You know? But those guys came over, you know, within three or four days I had a brand new HVAC. And that's what it that's how it works. 102 degrees. That's all I've got a guy three houses down and he's got a chicken coop, right? What's the deal with you people in chicken coops? I helped a buddy build a chicken coop, you know, and they and they chickens lay eggs. Nothing against them. I just don't get it. I chased one one day to see how fast they are and forget it. You know, not gonna you're not gonna catch a chicken. You know. Well, I watched my neighbor three houses down the other day. He was carrying a plate full of fried eggs, you know. Eight o'clock in the morning inside the house. So hot it is that out of here. Hot, man. Guy in Arizona here, somehow he just lived a messed-up life and he ended up down in Hades, you know, and he had to ask Satan to borrow a blanket. Frozen down there compared to summer here. With that, welcome to Poetry Corner, ladies and gentlemen. And today's piece is entitled, Little Miss Can't Be Wrong. This just came flowing out of their mouths. Please allow me to read verse one. It's been a whole lot easier since the bitch left town. It's been a whole lot happier without her face around. Nobody upstairs gonna stop and shout. Nobody at the back door gonna throw my laundry out. You cook so well all nice and French. You do your brain surgery too with your monkey wrench. I hope them cigarettes is gonna make you cough. I hope you heard this song and it it pissed you off. Little miss, can't be wrong. You know, I you know, I I I talked to a artist or two, you know, and you ask them what's that song about, you know, and they always say the same thing and they should. What's that song about? And they always say it's whatever you want it to mean. Whatever you think, whatever you think in your head. So I always used to think it was his girlfriend in this particular song. All of us can't do wrong, you know, that's not perfect or whatever. Now today I think it's just some random chick that lives upstairs, you know, in its apartment complex. You know, if she cooks all the time all this French food. Excuse me, and it smells it, right? You know, and and she does her brain surgery set there in her apartment. All we're smoking, what she's doing kind of thing. You know. And here's her coughing you know, all the time. But she doesn't give a rat's ass about him. So he's a little bit what you what what would you call that? He's a little bit, you know, resentful. Resentful is the word I'm gonna use. So some chick upstairs in his residence area that annoys him. That's it. Thank you for joining us for Poetry Corner, and thank you for observing silence so the others can enjoy our poetry corner. And next week in Poetry Corner, the words and music of Aerosmith. Because after all, remember, pink is like red, but not quite.

Regent Outro: 18:01

Just remember, pink is like red, but not quite. We will see you next time here on the Blade RGB video podcast. Bye bye.