Sorry But Now I'm Yelling At The Counter Girls. Is It All Over?

Ever find yourself in the midst of a fast-food fiesta, only to be interrupted by a random political tirade? That's exactly what happened during my nostalgic encounter with the Mexican pizza at Taco Bell. This episode kicks off with that unexpected adventure, before seguing into the intriguing world of "snowbirds"—those seasonal visitors whose habits and car choices are as predictable as they are amusing. Dive into my light-hearted observations on how these transitory inhabitants hilariously upend our local routines, turning grocery shopping into a strategic midnight escapade.

Next, we tackle the universal quest for eyewear simplicity at VisionWorks. Experience the comedy of errors as I attempt to decipher the mysteries of farsightedness versus nearsightedness, all while wading through an ocean of eyewear options that seem to multiply before my very eyes. With humor and a touch of exasperation, I invite you along on this spectacle of an episode, sharing the relatable challenges of eye exams and the elusive search for the perfect pair of glasses. Whether you're a Taco Bell aficionado or a fellow glasses seeker, there's something here to tickle your funny bone.

Chapters

• 0:00 Taco Bell and Snowbirds
• 2:37 How to spot a snowbird
• 4:18 IBS is back my irritable bastard syndrome
• 5:56 $429 pair of eye glasses?
• 8:20 Outburst at BK
• 10:44 Are you a talker?

Transcript

Blade: 0:00

You know, the Mexican pizza is back at Taco Bell. Disappeared there for a while, walked in countless times. Hey man, where's the Mexican pizza? And you know how Taco Bell is this digital flashing menu, it's getting a law degree. You got to figure out what you want. Can I help you, sir? Well, yeah, but just give me 15 minutes so I can figure it out. On the menu, you know, but it's a Mexican pizza and out on the menu, you know, but it's a Mexican pizza.

Blade: 0:28

And I'm sitting there, happy as can be doing what I think is the greatest thing that America has to offer anybody, and that is fast food. I love fast food, my Mexican pizza and me, and that's it. But there's a guy in a booth, across the dining room from me and he's getting up up and he goes to the counter and he has accosted this woman behind the counter, middle-aged, 30, 35 years old or so, and he starts this rant. I met Donald Trump at a rally and you know what I told him? I told him this and he said this back to me and I said this and this country this, and this country that, and he is letting her have it, a heat-seeking, missile diatribe. And he's going on and on and I'm not listening to him. I'm just sitting there in amazement watching what he's doing. And the poor woman, you know she can't say old man, sit down, shut up and go eat your tacos, locos, because she has to keep the job, she needs the money. So she's sitting there kind of smiling to the people in the dining room that are waiting for them, on and on, and on and on, and that's some old man, you know, doing that again. Why do we do that? Why do we do that? Women don't do that, only men do it. Have you ever been accosted by a woman with a political rant? I don't think so. Coming to you in the middle of the desert, here is Blade. Now, look, that is a lot of traffic and it's annoying when you're used to no traffic in your town and you see that, which we do for six months, that is snowbird traffic. That's what they do. They congest the roads. It's irritating. You know I have. They congest the roads. It's irritating. You know I have no problem with the character of the snowbirds that come down from Canada. It's the quantity of the snowbirds that I Nicest people in the world, canadians, I'm serious, nicest people in the world, you know, but you can tell them everywhere you go in this town and this town goes from 60,000 people widely spread out to 80,000 people compactly congested For six months out of the year Ruins everything, everything.

Blade: 2:38

How do you spot a snowbird? First of all, go into any grocery store. There are snowbirds. We have this deal. You know we're snowbirds. We have this deal. You know we're locals. We know how this works and we go grocery shopping at 8 o'clock at night and we've got the two grocery stores in our pockets. They intentionally stock up their shelves at 7.30 at night instead of overnight, so we have full shelves. We have plenty of milk and plenty of butter and plenty of beer there, because after the snowbirds finish shopping which they do all day, every day there's nothing left. It's a nice deal that we have, but we have to go at night, eight o'clock.

Blade: 3:14

You know another way to spot a snowbird they're old, okay, and. And another way they have money, okay. And one more way they dress way nicer than the town folk here do. I told you, this town has a prevailing we-don't-care attitude and nobody looks good in this town. They don't care what they wear, they all look good, so they're easy to spot.

Blade: 3:34

Here's the thing it's gotten to the point where we can tell which cars have snowbirds in them without even seeing who's in them. We know because the typical car in this town is a $250 beat-up Ford Escort or some kind of a Kia or some kind of a Toyota Corolla and they're driving with the spare donut tire in the left front and the rear fender's missing. There's a primer all over because they're going to paint it, and all that. The total value of all the cars in this town, each $260, $300. That's how it is. Any car that you see on the road that has a perceived value of maybe like $4,000 plus Snowbird. You got a Snowbird on your hands. You know it's funny because the deal we have when we go to shop at 8 o'clock we know there'll be no snowbirds there because we know what they're doing they're home in their RV watching do I have to say the hockey game?

Blade: 4:34

Look, it's irritable bastard syndrome. I confess I have it. You know, I don't mind saying it. It's irreparable. You can't fix it. It's incurable. It gets worse and worse. I can't think of anything worse than irritable bastard syndrome and since I live in southern Arizona, I call it bastardo irritable and I spent a little bit of money.

Blade: 4:57

I bought Santa Fe gold rocks and I spread them throughout the yard and I made it beautiful. I did. I love rocks you know you got to spread them yourself to cut down on the installation costs. And I rocks you know you got to spread them yourself to cut down on the installation costs. And I'm sitting back admiring my handiwork in my expansive yard with my santa fe gold. It couldn't have been five minutes until helen dog man, can't you wait till, like, give me a day so I can enjoy it? Five minutes in, you know, and I look at her and I go like this and she knows. Look, she knows, look at my nightstand 15 pairs of glasses there. I've graduated from having a pair of glasses upstairs and a pair downstairs to 15 in every single room in the house. I got them in the garage, in the yard, on the deck, front porch. Can't run out of them, it's so irritating.

Blade: 5:58

I go to VisionWorks and that's the one professional place we have for vision to get your eyes tested. I just want to get, like one prescription, pair of glasses I can use for long distance and short distance, and I don't know the difference between farsighted and nearsighted. I think it's the opposite Never got it right. You know, I just want one pair of glasses. I don't want 625 pairs of glasses around the house. Yeah, and so I get the testing and you go to this guy as a pro because he's got all the machines right. You know, put your forehead up to the right and left and binoculars seemingly is both and blue dot, follow that and tell me what line you see. He's got all the mechanical stuff. You need to tell if you need glasses, which, if you're going through a test, he's going to sell you some glasses. But he says okay, we're done, so just go up to the front. The nice lady up front will set you up with a set of frames and a pair of beautiful prescription glasses.

Blade: 6:47

And so I walk into the showroom and there's probably 1,500 glasses samples sitting in there and I look up close, you know like 10 of them and they're all the same. Every single one of those 1,500 is exactly the same. I can't tell the difference. Don't care, just give me a pair of glasses please. And so I go to the girl and she says did you pick out a nice pair of glasses please? And so I go to the girl and she says did you pick out a nice pair of? I was like, no, you pick one, I just pick one. I don't care, just pick one. Blank look on her face, which I love. I love a blank look after I say something. I do because it gives me license to yell Just pick one. Just go ahead and pick one, it doesn't matter, I don't care, just pick one. I don't mind making a scene. Blank. Look, write something down. Give her the card $459. Doesn't my vision insurance pay for any of that? She said $16. Well, that doesn't help. $459 for a pair of prescription glasses. Give her the card, she chalks it up and I leave. Now, look, I've got a buddy who's got cataract deals. So he had cataract surgery. He's so proud and he sent me this picture on his way back from surgery. He's in the car, I think, maybe not, I don't know. He's got one eye right and he's all happy and proud. He got his eye surgery. You can see the bag there and I'm wondering hey, is that the deal there that you've got with your whatever your eye surgeon is? You know, come on in and get a cataract surgery and we'll give you a free Whataburger combo deal. Is that what that is, he loves fast food. I love fast food. The jokes run rampant. That guy can eat two Whoppers in one sitting. He'll plop his butt down and eat two Whoppers right in front. I sit there and I can't eat. I stare in disbelief. I can't believe it. Two Whoppers and he's not even fat, he's not even that big. How'd he do that? I don't have that storage space. I can't believe it. Two Whoppers and he's not even fat, he's not even that big. How do you do that? I don't have that storage space. I can't do that. I can barely get down a double cheeseburger combo, you know, and when I'm really hungry I throw a side order of those chicken fries which I freaking love. So two days ago I went in by myself and that's what I ordered Cheeseburger combo, you know, from Chloe the 16-year-old behind the counter. You know, on a side order of chicken fries That'll be $14.92, sir what? Now I've got to fight it. It's that split instant where I've got to fight. I have to fight, being an old man, by yelling at her about the price. I got to struggle, battle, endeavor, you know, and hopefully endear and not complain. But I can't do it. I knew I was going to fail and I did $14.92? Are you kidding me With the indiscernible frown on my face? You know I kept it short. Congratulations to me for that. And then I get the blank look from her. I mean, it doesn't get any blanker than that. That's the same look the immigration officials get you know when they're asking the group that they've gotten you know for their legal papers Same blank Look. I live in southern Arizona. I know the deal here. I watch Border Patrol once or twice it gets boring. And that's not some political statement, it's not. It's just the only way I can think of describing a blankest look I've ever seen. Just go with me on that. I volunteered as a baseball coach. I wanted to help out. I didn't want to help out, but I helped a buddy out coaching a Little League baseball team. They are eight and nine-year-olds Now. This I've never done before. You know I had no idea how difficult it was to explain what a force play is. You know, you don't have to tag him at second base. You got to tag him at second base. I don't know how to explain that. You know, and if I have trouble explaining that, I'm going to have a hell of a time being a coach, you know, and you see the runner on first and he's running out to right field, you know, and the second baseman's chasing him and the guy running comes back and he's crying. He never tagged me. He never tagged me. You know, they don't listen and they're chaotic and it's a total nightmare. Never again, you know. Total nightmare, never again, you know. But I was talking to the commissioner and he's one of those talkers, because I just want to find out where the dragons can practice next. This segues me into talkers and he's one of those guys that just talks, you know, say hey, what's going on? And then you get a diatribe for I don't know how long. You know one of those talkers Ask yourself are you a talker? Are you a talker? Are you a talker? Man, you got to cut those things down to 30 seconds, man, you do when you're talking to someone. You got to keep it down to 30 seconds. You got to make it okay. You got to make it entertaining for the listener. Steve Martin will tell you that Planes, trains and automobiles back in the 80s and, by the way, you know, when you're telling these little stories, here's a good idea have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener. You've got to keep it entertaining for the listeners. I used to have to tell my mom that She'd go on these diatribes too. You know, go on and on and on, and I'd start to roll my eyes and hope she wouldn't see me. But she would and she'd say listen, blade, we can't all talk at 30-second soundbites. Okay, yes, we can, we can do it, let's all try. From 1987, it's tthe ledge from Replacements, all Blade content is available right now at bladebrilliantcom. I am on the street BelieveBrilliantcom.